We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize