ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
