Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
