i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
