Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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