I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
