Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
