I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
