Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
