3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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