The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
