I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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