yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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