I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
