At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
