Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
