We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
