The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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