Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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