dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
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I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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