What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
