My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
