And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high