I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize