just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
