Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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