M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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