idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
