what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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