So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
