I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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