This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
