Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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