so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
