somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
