Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
