We named our party play list daddy issues
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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