people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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