so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
