You can't special order awesome
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
