It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
