Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
