I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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