Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
whose ass print is on the piano?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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