btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
