i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
