My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
