she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
