just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
