can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You were trust falling into bushes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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