It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
