my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
