You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
