i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
