Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
