well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize