Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
