he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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