Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
