if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
