You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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