We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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