She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize