I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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