I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
