Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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