nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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