is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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