You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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