8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize