i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize