she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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