I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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