the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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