There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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