Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
