apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
