did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
