Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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