You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
