she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
